2020~The Year of Multiple Flushes Part I

I know the year isn't over yet, but let's how many more flushes will hit!I know I have been MIA for quiet some time now, I place all the blame on 2020! She has definitely been a tornado, to keep it clean. With the closing of 2019, I have a very special memory that I will forever keep deep in my heart. Let's get started!

We ended the year of 2019 with all the boys at home on Christmas Day to open presents and celebrate Jesus and the love of one another. My parents came over to eat Dale's Big Christmas Morning Breakfast. Daddy was so excited to come and chow down. They got to visit with the boys and see what each of them received from us and Santa. We ate a wonderful breakfast and Daddy ate like he never had before. Momma ate good too. I loved watching them both eat. If I had only known my world would turn upside down in just two weeks after.

Alex announced that he would be signing up for the Navy around Thanksgiving of 2019. Daddy was so proud of him for considering joining the military. He was worried, but proud of him. Momma didn't like Alex's decision on joining the military. She said he was too young and she would worry about him. She said it is just a different time now. I guess momma's always worry no matter what.

It was time for "out with old (2019) in with the new (2020)."I thought that 2020 was going to be a great year. I was going to get organized, starting with getting a planner to help keep me better organized with day to day and bills. I wanted to also get organized at work and at home. I was so excited to start crafting again with the Cricut machine I got for Christmas and use my craft table that Dale and the boys made me. I envisioned myself becoming this DIY crafter and homemaker. Alex would be starting a new chapter in his life and Chris would be starting his Senior year. So much would be happening. Then my world stopped.

Momma called me on Wednesday, January 8th, to ask me to call Daddy and see how he sounded to me. She told me he had fell and hit his head the week before on the steps in the house. He had a knot pop out and he wouldn't go to the hospital or doctor to get checked out. I called Daddy and his speech was slurred and I told him I would come stay the night with him. He had worked on his boat all day that day and he said he was just tired and he had also fell. He told me he just slid down on his butt and didn't hit his head. I said well, I will pack a bag and be on my way out there. He told me no and that he would be fine in the morning after he got some rest. I called Momma after hanging up the phone and told her what I thought. I didn't know it, but she went back over to stay the night with him. She had been staying with Theresa who also had a brain bleed back in June 2019 that effected her speech and her left side. Momma has been caring for her ever since.

I called Daddy the next morning like I told him I would do. Momma answered the phone and said Daddy had just woke up. She said Daddy was standing at the top of the stairs showing his muscles saying he felt a 100%, good as new! I just saw him the week before and didn't talk to him on the phone that morning. I tried calling him starting around 6:00 pm on the 9th, but he never answered. I called Momma and she went over to check on him. He was in the bed asleep. He said nothing was on TV and he was just tired. She was going to stay the night, but he said no, he would be fine. He told her to go back and stay with Theresa, no sense in going to get her and bringing her over there. So, I started calling him about 8:00 am on the 10th. He never answered. I called Momma and she went home to check on him. Our world stopped. Daddy had fell and was unconscious in the floor. She called 911 and called me.

My friend Tina drove me to the hospital. They took us to the family room where I knew it wasn't going to be good news. The ER doctor came in and asked questions and then told us what we didn't want to hear. Daddy had a massive brain bleed that had already begin shifting his brain. She told us there wasn't anything they could do and Daddy was basically gone and the machine was keeping him alive and we should call in any other family members that weren't there. I had stopped listening at some point and went numb. The ER doctor had patience with us until everyone arrived before taking him off the ventilator. She even had him placed in a private room where we could stay with him until he passed.

How could this be happening? My daddy is one of the strongest men I know. I was not ready for this. I still needed my daddy. How would I make it without him? My heart was broken and filled with blame as to why did not go and stay with him knowing he had fell. If I would have been there, maybe I could have gotten help sooner. What if this, what if that, why didn't he go to the hospital and get checked out? Why did he have to be so stubborn? Why didn't I go stay with him????!!!! Why didn't I spend more time with my daddy? How am I going to live without him?

He passed away just before 10:00 pm on January 10, 2020. My super hero, the first man a little girl loves, the man who built me a mansion in the backyard, taught me how to drive at the age of 12, rode rides with me at Six Flags, bought me the biggest basketball back board I have ever seen and taught me how to shot a basket, the man who has always been here and had my back, the man who taught me about tools, how to paint, wash & wax a car, cut grass, change out the toilet handle (lol), and so much more. No, he was not perfect but he was perfect for me.

This is how 2020 started for me. Grief is hard. No one can tell you how to grieve or how long you should or need to grieve. It comes in waves, never knowing of when the wave will crash leaving you crushed, heart broken all over again, and snot running down your face. It is a song, a glance of someone who makes you think of that person, a saying, the sound of a vehicle, a TV show, a favorite meal/drink, a favorite restaurant, favorite flower, a certain smell, looking at pictures. It could be anything and you can be anywhere when it rises. If you have lost someone you love that holds a special place in your heart, take time to grieve, cry, write you thoughts down, talk to someone you trust and can lean on, don't be ashamed to ask for help. It is okay to be angry, it is part of the process. Don't beat yourself up. You will miss your loved one dearly. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of my daddy. You will have bad days and you will have great days. You will be okay.

You were there when I took my first breath ~ November 21, 1975

I was there when you took your last breath ~ January 10, 2020

Always a Daddy's Girl!

Forever my Angel!